Synopsis:Israel is at war with the Ammonites. David is still in the palace in Jeruselum. One night he sees a beautiful woman, Bathsheba. So, he has his servants get her – they have sex and he sends her home. The problem is – her husband is away fighting David’s war and she gets pregnant from this encounter. So ... David has the husband, Uriah – a Hittite, brought back so he can – you know – have some alone time with his wife and cover up the infidelity. The problem is that Uriah refuses to go home. He’s a soldier and the men are still fighting. Until the battle is over, he won’t go home to his wife. David now has a problem. So, he sends Uriah to Joab and tells Joab – send Uriah to the front so he can be killed. And this works. Uriah is killed. Bathsheba mourns for her husband and when that is done, she is brought to David who weds her (along with all his other wives) and she bears him a son. God is displeased.
In other words:David has a love child with the wife of one of his soldiers.
Favorite bit:2 Samuel 11:2 & 4 – he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful. She came unto him and he lay with her. – Very sexy.
Worst luck:2 Samuel 11:11 – The ark, and Israel and Judah abide in tents. Shall I go into my house to eat and drink and to lie with my wife? I will not do this thing. All David wanted was for the man to go and have sex with his wife to cover up the love child. But would be go? No.
Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 11:15 – he wrote in the letter saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire yet from him, that he may be smitten, and die. So – the guy refuses to have sex with his wife, so David has him killed, again, to cover up the love child.