God takes a break from his labors. Realizes he hasn’t caused it to rain so the plants won’t grow. Makes it rain and then creates a man named Adam and plants a really nice garden in Eden for his new pet plaything Adam to live in. The problem is that Adam doesn’t have a help mate, so God puts Adam to sleep and clones him a woman who Adam calls Eve. They are both naked.
In other words:
God wants his very own human for a pet, so he creates Adam and gives him a special enclosure to live in and clones a wife for him.
I like Genesis 2:10-14 where the rivers are described. These seem like real rivers as one, Gihon, encompasses the entire land of Ethiopia and another goes into Assyria. This also leads to the impression that Adam and Eve aren’t the sole humans on the planet. They are just special humans created by God to be his special pets in his secret garden enclosure.
Least favorite bit:
Genesis 2: 17 – God puts a tree of knowledge of good and evil in the garden but forbids Adam from eating it under penalty of immediate death. First off, that isn’t very nice. Second, it does give the impression that indeed Adam and Eve were meant to be pets of God and to keep them passive; he needed them to be ignorant.
Don’t forget to water your plants (Genesis 2: 5)