Genesis 9: Oh look, a rainbow!


God tells Noah and his sons to go forth and repopulate the earth with all the animals they have. To prove to them and to himself that he won’t destroy earth again, he promises to put his bow into the sky so that whenever it rains, he will be reminded to make it stop so that it doesn’t flood again.  In the meantime, Noah becomes a grape grower, gets drunk on wine and falls asleep naked. His son Ham sees him naked, tells the others who put a cloak over his sleeping body. When he wakes up he realizes that his son saw him naked and curses his son Ham’s son Canaan to be a servant to the others. Noah dies at the ripe old age of 950.

In other words:

God promises to not allow it to rain until if floods and to remind himself, he puts his bow in the sky. Noah is caught naked and drunk and takes his anger out on the son of the son who found him naked.

Favorite bit:

(Genesis 9: 13-15) I love that God can’t remember his promise to not kill everyone unless he has some physical reminder, like a rainbow to remind him not to allow the earth to be destroyed again.

Most annoying bit:

(Genesis 9: 22) Seriously – what is the problem with sleeping naked? It’s not like he was walking around with his schlong hanging out. He was sleeping.  Why is that such a big deal.

Moral Lessons:

  • Don’t drink too much and pass out naked (Genesis 9:22)
  • Always remember your promises (Genesis 9: 12)
  • Respect people’s privacy (Genesis 9: 23)