A Humanist perspective on what we can learn about what is morality from the Bible.
Showing posts with label 2 Samuel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2 Samuel. Show all posts
2 Samuel 23: David thanks his men
2 Samuel 23:2 The spirit of the Lord spake by me, and his word was in my tongue. (in other words, all this praise – comes from god)
2 Samuel 24: God orders a census
Synopsis:
God gets mad at Israel again so David orders a census taken. Joab doesn’t want to do it – but is ordered to and does it anyway. It takes them 9 months and 20 days to complete the census. There are 800,000 men able to draw swords in Israel and another 500,000 in Judah. For some reason, David thinks he has sinned against God and asks for his punishment. God has Gad, David’s seer, deliver the message. I can either give all of Israel 7 years of famine, or have you pursued by your enemies for 3 months or have 3 days of pestilence. David chooses the pestilence and 70,000 men die. When the angel of God is getting ready to destroy Jeruselum, God stays his hand. The angel was near the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite, so David purchases the floor for Araunah and some oxen and erects and altar and offers sacrifice. This works and the plague is stayed from Israel.In other words:
There are now 1,300,000 men in the lands of Israel and Judah and God isn’t happy so he brings a 3 day pestilence that kills 70,000 of them. (5 percent of the population for those keeping count)First thoughts.
There is NO WAY there were 1,300,000 men in this area. Joab does mention that they will multiply the number 100 fold – so – 13,000 – yeah – that I can believe. Because remember – this is just the able bodied men and does not include women, children or the elderly.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 24:20-24 – Araunah wants to give the king his threshing floor and oxen for free for the sacrifice, but David insists on paying. It cost him 50 shekels of silver for the threshing floor and oxen.2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 24:17:Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done? (David addressing the angel sent by god - at David’s request for pestilence).Least favorite but still amusing bit:
2 Samuel 24:13-15 – 7 years of famine, be pursued by your enemies for 3 months, or 3 days of pestilence. And David chooses pestilence. This comes off as selfish to me. He would rather his people suffer than he be pursued by his enemies. He’s supposed to be king watching out for his people. Instead, he allows 70,000 of his people to die so he isn’t inconvenienced.What confused me:
I have NO idea why God is mad at them this time. I suspect that pestilences just happened from time to time and this story was written to explain it and apologize for the fact the king was supposed to be in good with God so that things like this didn’t happen.Moral Lesson Learned:
- Figuring out what is moral isn’t always easy (2 Samuel 24)
- Morality sometimes requires you to choose between the lessor of three evils (2 Samuel 24)
2 Samuel 21: Sacrifice, Rain and War
Synopsis:
For the next 3 years, there is no rain. God tells David it is because of what Saul did to the Gibeonites. So David asks them how to atone. They want 7 men, sons of Saul, to be delivered, so they can hang them. David gave them 2 sons of Rizpah daughter of Saul and 5 sons of Michal, daughter of Saul. Mephibosheth, son of Jonathon son of Saul, was spared because of David’s love for Jonathon. The rains fall and David collects the bones of Saul and Jonathon and reburies them in the sepulchre of Kish. All is now well with the Gibeonites but now the Philistines are waging war. And they have giants on their side. Abishai slays Ishbi-benob. Sibbechai slew Saph (a son of the giant). Elhana slew the brother of Goliath at the battle in Gob. Jonathon, son of Shimea, the brother of David, slew a giant with six fingers and six toes in a battle in Gath. All told, 4 total giants were killed in these battlesIn other words:
David makes a human sacrifice of 7 of Saul’s male descendants to appease god and make it rain and 4 more Philistine giants are slain.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 21:20 – and there was yet a battle in Gath, where was a man of great stature, that had on every hand six fingers, and on every foot six toes, four and twenty in number, and he was also born to the giant.
2nd favorite bit:
16: And Ishbi-benob, which was of the songs of the giant, the weight of whose spear weighed three hundred shekels of brass in weight, he being girded with a new sword, though to have slain David. (hmmmm, foreshadowing?)Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 21:6 Let seven men of his sons be delivered unto us, and we will hang them up unto the Lord in Gibeah of Saul, whom the Lord did choose. And the king said, I will give them. (Human sacrifice to make it rain? Yeah – I don’t like it.)Most interesting bit:
2 Samuel 21:15 – Moreover the Philistines had yet war again with Israel; and David went down, and his servants with him, and fought against the Philistines: and David waxed faint. (Is this the start of the decline of David?)Moral Lesson Learned:
It doesn’t matter how strong you are, you are still vulnerable (2 Samuel 21)2 Samuel 22: David sings a song
Synopsis:
David sings a song praising god. It has 50 verses. God is apparently great and the greatest part about God is how much he does for David. It’s supposed to be praising God, but it’s really egocentric on David’s part.In other words:
David sings a song about how great he must be to have God’s protection.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 22:11 – And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: and he was seen upon the wings of the wind.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 22:20,21 – He brought me forth also into a large place: he delivered me, because he delighted in me. The lord rewarded me according to my righteousness: according to the cleanness of my hands he hath recompensed me. (Barf – look how wonderful I am – god loves me!! Not very humble is he? )What annoys me about this entire chapter:
David was only successful because people like Joab, who supported him, were ruthless. And yes, here is David – crowing on about how much God must like him. It’s not only not very humble, it’s downright rude and a very dangerous mindset to think you can do no wrong.Moral Lesson Learned:
It would be nice if successful people were a bit more humble about the help they receive from the very real people who support them in their efforts (2 Samuel 22)2 Samuel 20: The rest of Israel doesn’t want David to be king
Synopsis:
A Benjamite named Sheba makes the case to Israel that since the King is clearly favoring Judah and because they have no part of him, they should take up arms against David. So every man of Israel followed Sheba. But the men of Judah clave unto their king. David reclaimed his house in Jeruselum but never visited his concubines that had kept house under Absalom again. The king then has Amasa assemble the men of Judah and he orders Abishai to kill Sheba. When the army is at the great stone in Gibeon, Amasa goes out wearing Joab’s garmant as a girdle, but this falls off. Joab asks Amasa if he is ok, takes him by the beard, kisses him and then stabs him with a sword. This clears the way for Joab and Abishai to pursue Sheba. As they stand over Amasa’s bleeding body in the street, one of Joab’s men tells the rest – if you are with us and with David – follow us. No one moved. So the supporter of Joab took Amasa out of the highway into a field ad cast a cloth on him. Now the rest of the men follow after Joab and pursue Sheba. They beseiged Sheba in Abel. A wise women asks Joab what he wants. Would you kill a mother of Israel. Joab says no – he only wants Sheba – who is a traitor to David. Deliver him and we will leave. So the woman convinces the town to cut off Sheba’s head and cast it out to Joab. David is now king. He appoints Joab over the arm. Benaiah over the Cherethites and the Pelethites. Adaram was in charge of tribute. Jehoshaphat was the recorder. Sheva is scribe, Zadok and Abiathar are priests. Ira is named chief ruled about David.In other words:
A man named Sheba challenges David for the thrown and Joab kills him and his rival for control of the military at the same time.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 20:16-22 – The wise woman who convinces the town to cut off the head of Sheba and throw it over the town wall to Joab.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 20:10-13 – Joab kills Amasa for no reason other than to make sure his authority over the army is not challenged. It’s bloody and clearly not ok with the troops.Most curious bit:
2 Samuel 20:8 – this is where Amasa is wearing Joab’s girdle with a sword fastened upon his loins and he doesn’t notice it falls off. A – why is he wearing Joab’s girdle. And does this mean he was naked or only that he lost his sword. And was this intentional so that Joab could kill him? Because that murder was clearly planned.2nd most curious bit:
2 Samuel 20:9 – And Joab took Amasa by the beard with the right hand to kiss him. Ummmmmmm, yeah. 2 Samuel 20:10 goes on to say – But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab’s hand – which is why Joab is able to kill him. So clearly – he didn’t think a) the kiss was odd, and b) he trusted Joab to be this close to him with a sword. I will let you draw your own conclusions here.Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t kiss a guy with a sword in his hand. (2 Samuel 20)2 Samuel 19: King David Returns
Synopsis:
Joab tells King David to stop mourning the death of Absalom. He is discrediting the sacrifices his servants made to make him king again. In the meantime, the tribes of Israel are trying to decide whether to bring the king back or not. David sends the priests to speak to the elders of Judah – you are my bones and my flesh, why are you the last to bring me back as king? The people of Judah arranged to conduct David over the Jordan and back into Jeruselum. This was done by ferry boat. Shimei, the guy who cursed David as he left, meets David as he crosses the Jordon and asks for forgiveness. David forgives him. Mephibosheth comes down to meet the king. The king wants to know why Mephibosheth did not come with him. Apparently his servant lied to him and told him he would saddle an ass, but never did. He asks for forgiveness, and this is given. Barzillai, who is 80+ years old conducts the king over the Jordan. The king wants Barzillai to come to live with him in Jeruselum. He says no, I’m old and want to die in my home town. The king kisses Barzillai and continues on to Gilgal. The men of Israel come to meet them and want to know when the men of Judah have stolen the king and brought him over the Jordan. It’s because they are his kinsman. The men of Israel protest and say they have more stake in David then they do and they should have been first to bring him back.In other words:
The men of Judah are chosen to bring king David back to Israel. The rest of Israel is not happy about it.Favorite bit:
That there is a guy named Barzillia. (2 Samuel 19:31-39)2nd favorite bit:
That the men of Israel are jealous of the men of Judah – and clearly – King David is signalling his favoritism here. (2 Samuel 19:41-43)3rd favorite bit:
That David forgives Shimei and MaphiboshethMoral Lesson Learned:
Be the bigger person and forgive people their moments of emotional weakness (2 Samuel 19)2 Samuel 17: David’s Spy Infiltrates Absalom’s government
Synopsis:
Absalom considers pursuing David and killing him and his men to solidify his power. His aide Ahithopel tells him to do it at once. Hushai, David’s spy, counsels to wait and gather an army because David is strong and is probably hidden in a cave anyway. Everyone agrees with Hushai. Hushai gets a message about Absalom’s plans to David through the priests. The problem is the priests are seen leaving and Absalom sends servants after them. So a woman hides them in a well until the danger is passed. In the meantime, Ahithophel is so distraught that his advice wasn’t taken that he hangs himself and dies. Absalom and David pitch their camps and get ready for battle.In other words:
David’s spy Hushai gains the confidence of Absalom.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 17:18-21 – The spies hide in a well that a woman covers in ground corn. When Absalom’s men come she tells them “They be gone over the brook of water. And when they had sought and could not find them, they returned to Jerusalem.” So the spies get out of the well and manage to get to David.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 17:23 – And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his ass and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city , and put his household in order, and hanged himself, and died, and was buried in the sepulchre of his father. (Seems excessive to me that he would kill himself just because his counsel wasn’t taken – geez)Moral Lesson Learned:
It’s not the end of the world when people don’t agree with you (2 Samuel 17)2 Samuel 18: The Death of Absalom
Synopsis:
David is getting ready to battle Absalom. He divides his army into 3 units. However, the people want him at the city in case the city is overrun. So David tells his commanders (Joab, Abishai and Ittai, to deal gently with Absalom. All the people heard him. 20,000 people died in this battle. Abasalom was riding a mule and got his head caught up in an oak and he hung there by his head. Joab saw it and went to see and found that Absalom was not yet dead. So he took 3 darts and thrust them through the heart of Absalom and killed him. They took Absalom’s body down, threw him into a pit and covered it with stones and went back to their tents. Then Ahimaaz, son of the priest Zadok wanted to tell David that he had won, but Joab told him not to because the King’s son, Absalom was dead. Ahimaaz went anyway. Ahimaaz found David at the gate and told him he had won. David asked him if Absalom was safe. Ahimaaz said he didn’t know. Cushi came afterwards and told David that his son was dead. David weaps.In other words:
David and Absalom’s army battle in a field and Absalom accidently hangs himself in an oak tree.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 18:9 And Absalom met the servants of David. And Absalom rode upon a mule, and the mule went under the thick boughs of a great oak, and his head caught hold of the oak, and he was taken up between the heaven and the earth; and the mule that was under him went away. (It’s an insanely stupid way to die.)2nd Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 18:10-13 – a man sees this happens and tells Joab. Joab is mad and asks him why he didn’t kill Absalom. The man replies “Yet would I put forth my hand against the king’s son: for in our hearing the king charged thee and Abishai and Ittai, saying, Beware that none tough the young man Absalom.” This guy at least is being true to the king.Least favorite bit but totally understandable:
2 Samuel 18:14 Then said Joab, I may not tarry thus with thee. And he took three darts in his hand, and thrust them through the heart of Absalom, while he was yet alive in the midst of an oak. (Yet again Joab disobeys David, but yet again, he does so to ensure David’s rule and in a way that absolves David of any guilt in the matter. The question is – did David know about this and approve of it? Hard to say.)Saddest bit:
2 Samuel 18:33 And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamger over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Woudl God I had died for thee O Absalom, my son, my son. (Sure, it may be an act, but I don’t think so)Moral Lesson Learned:
Be careful where you go (2 Samuel 18)2 Samuel 15: Absalom takes over Israel
Synopsis:
Absalom takes to hanging out at the city gate and telling people who come to see the king that there is no judge to see them, and that he, Absalom should be made judge so he could help these poor people. The people love him for this and he does this for 40 years. Absalom asks David to let him go to Hebron to serve the Lord. David gives him permission. Of course, as soon as he is in Hebron, he declares himself ruler and sends spies out and people increasingly side with Absalom. David learns of this conspiracy he and his servants flee. He leaves 10 concubines to keep the house while he is away. 600 people leave with King David. The Levites try to bring the Ark with David – but he orders them back to the city – it’s God’s will whether he should be in charge of it or not. He asks Zadok – the seer to stay with the Ark and to deliver messages to him. He asks Hushai, the Archite, to go and offer his services as a counsel to Absalom and to spy on him and to deliver messages for David through Zadok.In other words:
Absalom spends 40 years gaining power and eventually forces King David to flee the city.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 15:5,6 And it was so, that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand, and took him, and kissed him. And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgement: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 15:14 – the conspiracy is strong so David, just ups and flees. Doesn’t even contest it.Coolest bit (Why David is king)
2 Samuel 15:32-37 – this is where he asks Hushai to spy for him and to send messages through the priest Zadok.Moral Lesson Learned:
Know when to walk away (2 Samuel 15)2 Samuel 16: Absalom takes control and David is heckled
Synopsis:
David flees the city with his servants. Ziba, one of the servants of Mephibosheth brings him food and asses to ride. But Shimei, a man from the family of the house of Saul comes out and curses David. And throws stones at him and curses him and follows him and curses him some more. David does nothing to stop this. Hushai presents himself to Absalom who accepts him as a counsel. Ahithophel, who is chief counsel to Absalom tells him to set his tent up at his father’s house and take the concubines so that all Israel will know he is in charge now.In other words:
David is cursed at by one of Saul’s former servants and Absalom takes over David’s palace and concubines.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 16:7, 8 – Shimei cursing David. “thou bloody man, and thou man of Belial. ... thou art taken in thy mischief, because thou art a bloody man.”2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 16:8-11 – David is ok with this. Let him curse. After all, “my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? Let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him.”Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 16:21 – Absalom is encourages to not only take the palace but to take all the concubines so that ALL Israel will know that he is strong. The women – of course – don’t get a choice in the matter.Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t worry about people who insult you. They are entitled to their opinion. (2 Samuel 16)or:
Ignore the trolls – they can’t really hurt you (2 Samuel 16)
2 Samuel 14: Absalom returns
Synopsis:
Joab, David’s right hand man realized that David wants Absalom back. So he hires a woman to pretend to be a mourner who speaks to the king about how important it is to forgive a son who killed his brother. David realizes that Joab sent the woman and sends for Absalom to return, but refuses to see him. Joab won’t even speak to him, so Absalom has his servants set Joab’s fields on fire. When Joab asks him why – he says – well, I couldn’t get your attention any other way.In other words:
David misses Absalom and has him return, but refuses to see him.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 14:19 – Is not the hand of Joab with thee in all this? - Yes, yes he is.2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 14:2 – that the woman hired to pretend to be a mourner is named Tekoah. Given how rarely we are given women’s names. That’s kind of a big deal.Funniest bit:
2 Samuel 14:28-33 – Absalom is in Jerusalem for 2 years and is kept away from his father. And Joab refuses to see him. So Absalom sets Joab’s field on fire. “Then Joab arose, and came to Absalom unto his house, and said unto him, Wherefore have thy servants set my field on fire?” (It strikes me funny that you can set the field on fire to the first aid to the king and he will come by casually to say – hey – why did you do that?)Sweetest bit:
2 Samuel 14:27 – And unto Absalom there were born three sons, and one daughter, whose name was Tamar: she was a woman of fair countenance.Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t ignore people (2 Samuel 14)2 Samuel 13: Tamar gets raped by her brother
Synopsis:
One of David’s sons, Absalom, had a beautiful sister namded Tamar. Amnon, another of the son’s of David loved her. Ammon manages to get Tamar to take care of him when he is sick. He asks her to lie with him. She tells him, ask David, the king – he will surely give me to you. Amnon ignores her and rapes her. And then, he is as mad at her as he was in love with her and sends her away. She rips her clothes and weeps. Her brother Absalom finds out, as does David. Both are very mad. Absalom never speaks to his brother Amnon again. Absalom gets all the brothers together for a sheepshearing and has his servants kill Amnon. David is upset, he thinks all his sons have been killed. Turns out it’s just Amnon. Absalom flees to Geushur.In other words:
Tamar, one of the daughters of David, is raped by one of her half-brothers. Her full blooded brother kills the rapist and flees.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 13:22 – An Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar. (Good for the brother to stand up for his sister.)Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 13:12-14 – Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done ... Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. (Incestuous rape.)2nd least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 13:15 – Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. (He rapes his sister and then – it’s her fault – lovely.)Not sure about this:
2 Samuel 13:39 – And the soul of King David longed to go forth unto Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead. (Was David glad Absalom killed his brother the rapist, or upset? I think he was glad.)Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t rape. (2 Samuel 13)2 Samuel 11: David commits adultery
Synopsis:
Israel is at war with the Ammonites. David is still in the palace in Jeruselum. One night he sees a beautiful woman, Bathsheba. So, he has his servants get her – they have sex and he sends her home. The problem is – her husband is away fighting David’s war and she gets pregnant from this encounter. So ... David has the husband, Uriah – a Hittite, brought back so he can – you know – have some alone time with his wife and cover up the infidelity. The problem is that Uriah refuses to go home. He’s a soldier and the men are still fighting. Until the battle is over, he won’t go home to his wife. David now has a problem. So, he sends Uriah to Joab and tells Joab – send Uriah to the front so he can be killed. And this works. Uriah is killed. Bathsheba mourns for her husband and when that is done, she is brought to David who weds her (along with all his other wives) and she bears him a son. God is displeased.In other words:
David has a love child with the wife of one of his soldiers.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 11:2 & 4 – he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful. She came unto him and he lay with her. – Very sexy.Worst luck:
2 Samuel 11:11 – The ark, and Israel and Judah abide in tents. Shall I go into my house to eat and drink and to lie with my wife? I will not do this thing. All David wanted was for the man to go and have sex with his wife to cover up the love child. But would be go? No.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 11:15 – he wrote in the letter saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire yet from him, that he may be smitten, and die. So – the guy refuses to have sex with his wife, so David has him killed, again, to cover up the love child.
Aided and abetted:
2 Samuel 11:19-25 – Joab understood what was going on – and did it anyway. Let the guy die to help cover for his boss. This is the section where they send messages back and forth – the deed is done. But the messengers don’t know what’s really happened. Part of the message? “did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez?”Bit that makes you think:
It’s really hard for me to read the name Uriah and not think of the band Uriah Heep. Who – according to Wikipedia – was named after a character in a Dickens novel? But then, you think – do people not read the bible when they name their kids. David – I understand. But why name yourself after a soldier who is cuckolded and killed?Moral Lesson Learned:
NEVER pass up a chance to have sex with your wife (2 Samuel 11)2 Samuel 12: God kills an innocent child to get back at David
Synopsis:
God sends a messenger to David to tell him – you idiot – what they hell did you do – sleep with another man’s wife and then kill him? What were you thinking? David admits he sinned and asks for forgiveness. So God says – ok – but I’m going to kill the child to make up for this blaspheme. The child gets sick. David petitions God, but to no avail. The child dies. David comforts Bath-sheba and they have sex again and she has another son named Solomon. God loves this child. David finally defeats the Ammonites and takes the crown of gold back to Jerusalem.In other words:
God is mad at David for killing Uriah (Bathsheba’s husband), so he kills David and Bathsheba’s love child.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 12:2-7 – God has Nathan , a priest, deliver his message of disappointment through parable. Imagine there is a rich man with lots of sheep and a poor man with just one. A stranger comes into the land and the rich man, not wanting to give him one of his sheep takes the sheep from the poor man. Would that be ok? Ummmmm. No. Apparently the sheep in this parable are David’s wives (plural) and Uriah’s wife (singular).How bad is it?
2 Samuel 12:11, 12 –“ I will raise up evil against thee of out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbor and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of the sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.” Yeah – God is pissed.Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 14: After David repents, God decides – well – I’ll just kill the kid and we’ll call it even. ( I can’t even begin to describe how immoral God is in this bit – I just. can’t.)2nd least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 12:24 – David and Bathsheba have another son, Solomon – and God likes him. Again, the morality of this is just. I can’t.Sanest part of this chapter:
2 Samuel 22, 23 – After fasting and trying to convince god to spare the first child and failing. David doesn’t even mourn. When asked why he says, “But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” This is a very rational and dare I say humanistic approach to grief.Moral Lesson Learned:
When you do something wrong, be honest about it and apologize (2 Samuel 12)2 Samuel 9: The son of Jonathon is found
Synopsis:
David asks his servants to go find and see if any of Jonathon’s family are alive. They find his son Mephibosheth, the one that was lame, is found. David restores to Mephibosheth Saul’s land and house. He puts Ziba (Saul’s servant) in charge and has Mephibosheth live with David in his house. But everyone who lived in Ziba’s house – were servants to Mephibosheth.In other words:
David finds Jonathon’s son and treats him like royalty.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 8: “And he (Mephibosheth) bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?” I like that he has no idea why the King is being so nice to him.2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 9:12 Mephibosheth has a young son. Here is a lame man who is taken in and treated like royalty – and he is even able to start his own family.Moral Lesson Learned:
Take care of the people you love. (2 Samuel 9)2 Samuel 10: The Ammonites start a war
Synopsis:
The Ammon king dies and his son Hanun reigns. David sends comforters to him as the king had been kind to him. The princes of Ammon tell Hanun not to trust David. So Hanun shaves off one half of the beards of David’s servants, cuts off their garments and the waste and sends them home – half naked. David is rightly upset by this so he sends Joab with a host of men. The children of Ammon get help from the Syrians. Joab and his brother Abishai spilt up their army. That way if the Syrians are too strong, they have a back up regiment. But Joab wins and the Syrians flee. The Syrians regroup at Helam. So David gathered all of Israel together, crossed the Jordan and met the Syrians at Helam. David is victorious, slew the men of 700 chariots, and 40,000 horeemen and smote Shobach the captain of this host. The servants of Hadarezer makes peace with Israel and the Syrians refuse to help the Ammonites any more.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 10:4: “Wherefore Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.” He only did that to shame them. He intentionally provoked David. What happens next – is pretty much Hanun’s fault.Pretty smart bit:
2 Samuel 10:11 “And he (Joab) said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will come and help thee.” Military strategy, nice.Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t assume the worst. You may create the very enemy you feared. (2 Samuel 10)2 Samuel 7: God wants a house of cedar built for himself
Synopsis:
Now that David is king and his enemies aren't attacking, he realizes that God might not be happy living in a tent. He asks Nathan the prophet what he thinks. God speaks to Nathan and says – I have traveled in this tent since we left Egypt. Why shouldn't I have a house made of cedar? Look at all I have done for you, delivered you from Egypt, gave you judges and given you rest from your enemies. I deserve a house. David then sat before God in the tabernacle tent, praises God, assures Him that he is a good servant and thanks him for his blessing.In other words:
God wants a permanent house and promises David good things if he builds one for Him.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 7:2 – David asks a prophet for permission to build a permanent home for the Ark – and surprise – the prophet thinks it’s a great idea.2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 7:20-27 – this is a lengthy sequence where David sits before the mercy seat speaking to God, thanking him for all He has done for him. Because – despite it all, this is all about David – and his kingdom.Least favorite bit:
Most of this chapter – it consists of God bragging and then David false bragging about how blessed he is by God. (yawn)Moral Lesson Learned:
No one wants to wander forever. Having a place to call home is important (2 Samuel 7)2 Samuel 8: David conquers an empire
Synopsis:
David smites and subdues the Philistines and takes Metheg-ammah. Then he smote Moab and killed all the adults. He also smote Hadadezer, king of Zobah – even though the Syrians of Damascas came to Zobah’s aid, David still triumphed. David put garrisons in Damascus, Edom, Moab, Ammon, and Amalek. They were all servants to David and paid him tribute. He took all the chariots and gold and silver from Hadadezer (king of Zobah) and brought it back to Jerusalem. Then David apppointed Joab to manage the army, Jehoshaphat was the recorder, Zadok and Ahimelech were priests, Seraiah was scribe. Benaiaah was over the Cherethites and teh Pelethites and David’s sons were chief rulers.In other words:
David conquer A LOT of areas and put his people in charge.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 8:5,6 – And when the Syrians of Damascus came to succour Hadadezerk king of Zobah David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men. Then David put garrisons in Syria of Damascus: and the Syrians became servants to David, and brought gifts. And the Lord preserved David whithersoever he went. (I’m actually really impressed that he managed to rule Syria).2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 8:4 – And David took from him (Hadadezer) a thousand chariots, and seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: and David houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them for an hundred chariotsLeast favorite bit:
2 Samuel 8:4 – houghing is apparently cutting of the achilles tendon. So, David basically hobbled the horses so they couldn’t run or be used in warfare. Seems cruel. Why not just kill the horses if you aren’t going to use them.Interesting bit:
2 Samuel 8:16-18 – we are given the specific names of the people who helped manage David’s empire.Moral lesson learned:
Good management requires good delegation (2 Samuel 8)2 Samuel 5: David finally becomes king – this time for real
Synopsis:
The tribes of Israel come to Hebron and ask David to be their king. He reigns for another 33 years (40 total if you include his time ruling over Judah). David establishes the city of Zion (his city) with his fort in the center. King of Tyre sent cedar tree, capenters and mason’s a build David a house. He takes more concubines and has 11 more children (who are all named). The Philistines try to attack Israel, but David smites them, twice from Geb to Gazer.In other words:
David is made king for real this time and smites the Philistines, twice.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 5:23,24 – And when David enquired of the Lord, he said, Though shaltn ot go up; but fetch a compass behind them, and come upon them over against the mulberry trees. And let it be, when thou hearest the sound of a going in the topis of the mulbetter trees, that thou shalt bestir thyself: for then shall the Lord go out before thee, to smite the host of the Philistines. (I have a mulberry tree - I realize that’s not a very good reason to like a particular verse, but whatever.)2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 5:13 – And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come to Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David. (how many kids does this man need – and how much sex was he having. Seriously!)Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 5:6,7 – And the king and his men went to Jerusalem unto the Jebusites, the inhabitants of the land: which spake unto David, saying, Except though take away the blind and the lame, thou shalt not come in hither: thinking, David cannot come in hither. Nevertheless David took the strong hold of Zion: the same is the city of David. (I guess the Jebusites were wrong).Moral Lesson Learned:
It’s not a good idea to tell a bully that he can’t beat you up – he will, just to prove he can (2 Samuel 5)2 Samuel 6: The Ark of the Covenant is once again a problem.
Synopsis:
David and 30,000 of the chosen men of Israel go to Abinadab’s house in Gibeah in Judah to get the Ark, which is put upon a new cart. A guy named Uzzah makes the mistake of putting out his hand on the Ark as they crossed Nachon’s threshing floor – and Uzzah died right there and then. David decided that perhaps moving the Ark was not such a great idea. So they housed it in the house of Obed-edom the Gittite for three months, during which time Obed-edom and his family thrived. So David decided it was once again safe to move the Ark and brought it into the city of David, where he and others basically danced in nothing but a linen ephod. Michal (David’s first wife and daughter of Saul) was disgusted by David’s gallivanting before the Ark and the fact by doing so he was showing his privates off to all the maids. She despised him and accused him of uncovering himself in front of maids. David corrected her and said – he did it for the Lord and that he was not vile, she was. Michal had no more children until the day of her death.In other words:
David moves the Ark to Zion.Favorite bit:
2 Samuel 6:14-16 – And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the trumpet. And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter looked through a window and saw king David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. (This sounds like quite the party –the king dancing and leaping while not wearing any pants!)2nd favorite bit:
2 Samuel 6:5 – and David and all the house of Israel played before the Lord on all manner of instruments made of fir wood, even on harps, and on psalteries, and on timbrels, and on cornets, and on cymbals. (again – this sounds like a fun celebration – 30,000 people having a good time in procession with the Ark).Oddest bit:
2 Samuel 6:6 – And when they came to Nachon’s threshing floor, Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. (why the heck was this procession with the holiest of holy objects – the seat of God – proceeding through someone’s threshing floor?)Least favorite bit:
2 Samuel 6:7 – And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ark of God. (Seriously? He was steading the thing so it wouldn’t fall as the cart was unsteady and he is killed? Really? That seems pretty harsh.)Moral Lesson Learned:
Don’t let spoil sports ruin your good time (2 Samuel 6)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)