2 Kings 4: The miracles of Elisha

Synopsis:

Miracle 1: A woman whose husband has died is worried her sons will be taken as bondsmen to pay off her late husband’s death. So Elisha has her gather all the empty vessels she could find. She poured the little oil she had into the vessels until they were all full, then she sold all the oil and was able to pay off the debt.

Miracle 2: A woman puts out bread and provides shelter for Elisha every time he passes through her town of Shunam. He asks what he can do. She wants a son. She got pregnant, had the son, but when he was grown, he got sick. She put him on Elisha’s bed and went to go find Elisha. He sent his servant Gehazi to put his staff on the child. But the child did not wake up. So Elisha went. He put his mouth upon the child’s mouth his eyes upon his yes and his hands upon his hands and stretched himself up on the child. He got up, walked about and did it again. The child sneezes 7 times and opened his eyes.

Miracle 3: Elisha makes porrage for the people of Gilgal, but they are afraid it is poisonous. So they add meal to it and everyone ate and no one died.

Miracle 4:  A man brought first fruits, 20 loaves of barley and corn. Elisha said give it to the people. The man didn’t think it was enough, but everyone was able to eat and there was some left over.

In other words:

Elisha performs a series of miracles.

Favorite bit:

Miracle 2: 2 Kings 4:8-37  I love that he did mouth to mouth and used his body to warm up the “dead” kid.

Least favorite bit:

Miracle 3: 2 Kings 4:38-41 – The problem was a guy they didn’t know had put vines and goards into the pottage and it tasted funny when they went to eat it, so they added meal to make it taste better. There is no guarantee this was a miracle.

Moral Lesson Learned:

You never know what you can accomplish if you try. 2 Kings 4)

1 Samuel 1: Samuel is born

Synopsis:

A man has 2 wives. One, Hannah, is barren. They go to the temple in Shiloh every year. Hannah prays to have a son and if she does, promised to give him to the service of God. Eli, the priest sees her praying and thinks she is drunk. She says no, just praying. Eli blesses her. The family returned home and the man knew his wife Hannah and eventually she had a son, who is named Samuel.  The time came again to go to Shiloh, but Hannah stays behind to wean Samuel. When he is weaned, she brings him to Shiloh with an offering of 3 bulls and an ephah of flour. She reintroduces herself to Eli and gives him Samuel.

In other words:

Hannah has a son named Samuel.

Favorite bit:

1 Samuel 1:8 The husband is trying to console Hannah - why weepest thou? Am not I better  to thee than 10 sons?  Apparently not.

2nd favorite bit:

1 Samuel 1:13-17 – where Eli thinks she is drunk and she has to tell him – don’t count me a daughter of Belial, I’m grieving here!

Least favorite bit:

1 Samuel 1:6 – that the other wife bullies and taunts her because she is barren.

What I liked:

That the husband seems really nice. He doesn’t care she isn’t having kids. He genuinely seems to like her.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Always keep your promises (1 Samuel 1)

Ruth 1: We meet Ruth

Synopsis:

A woman from Bethlehem-judah named Naomi goes to Moab with her husband Elimelch and their 2 sons. The 2 sons get married to Orpah and Ruth. The husband and the 2 sons die so Naomi makes plans to go back to Bethlehem-judah. The widows of her sons want to come with her – she tells them go back to your families and have happy lifes. No need to stay with me and morn. Orpah goes back but Ruth refuses and stays with Naomi. They return at the beginning of the barley harvest.

In other words:

A moabite named Ruth marries into Naomi’s family and she and Naomi return alone to Bethlehem-judah.

Favorite bit:

That we are given the names of all the women involved in this story. Not only that – they are important. The men, not so much. (Ruth 1:2)

Least favorite bit:

That all the men die and leave the women without support (Ruth 1:3 & 5)

What’s nice:

That Naomi releases both daughter in laws from their obligations.  And, it’s doubly nice that Ruth decides to stay with Naomi anyway. (Ruth1:8-17)

Moral Lesson Learned:

Women need to stick together (Ruth 1)

Ruth 2: The women hatch a plan

Synopsis:

Naomi and Ruth show up in Bethlehem-judah during the barley harvest. Naomi and Ruth decide to target a kinsman of Naomi’s husband, a wealthy man named Boaz. Ruth goes to glean in his field and he takes a liking to her and gives her permission to glean close to the men harvesting and Boaz further instructed the men to make sure that they left good barley for her. Ruth stayed with her mother in law and gleaned until the end of the barley and wheat harvest with the other maidens of Boaz.

In other words:

Ruth intentionally gains the favor of a rich man named Boaz.

Favorite bit:

Ruth 2:15,16 – Where Boaz instructs his men to leave some handfuls of barley on purpose for her.

2nd favorite bit:

That basically Boaz is a very good man, who helps out a complete stranger, just because it’s the right thing to do.  (Ruth 2:11)

Least favorite bit:

Naomi is very intent that Ruth not fraternize with any of the men harvesting, but to keep with the maidens so that her reputation is above reproach. They are clearly targeting Boaz for romance with Ruth.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Keep your reputation good by being a good person (Ruth 2)

Ruth 4: Ruth gets remarried and has a son

Synopsis:

Boaz goes to the towns elders and says – I want to buy the land from Naomi – but I wanted to make sure no one else wanted it first. Be aware, who buys this land must also take Ruth as his wife and provide her a son to raise up the name of the dead. The other kinsmen say – we don’t want to do that – you go ahead. It will be just like Pharez whom Tamar bore from Judah (back in Genesis 38) So Boaz marries Ruth and went in unto her and she bare a son. He is named Obed and he is nursed by Naomi. We are now just 2 generations away from David. Here is the lineage from Pharez (Judah and Tamar’s son). Phraze begat Herzon, who begat Ram who begat Amminadab, who begat Nahshon who begat Salmon who begat Boaz who begat Obed who begat Jesse who begat David. (So we now have a line directly to Abraham since Abraham begat Jacob and Jacob begat Judah (among several others – Judah being the one who argued to spare Joseph’s life).

In other words:

Ruth marries Boaz and has a son named Obed (we are 2 generations from David now)

Favorite bit:

(Ruth 4:4-8) Where Boaz gets permission from everyone else to purchase the inheritance of Naomi and marry Ruth. No one else wanted the obligation of giving away some inheritance to a dead man’s son.

Least favorite bit:

The blessing of the women of Bethlehem – it’s nice but seems strange to me. Congrats – you now have someone to watch after you in your old age! I understand that’s important, but... it’s still a bit ingratiating to me.

Coolest bit:

Where not only is the story of Judah and Tamar invoked, we are also given the lineage – and it is important because this is the lineage to that leads to David.

Moral lesson learned:

Consensus is important to good relationships (Ruth 4)

Ruth 3: Ruth snags Boaz

Synopsis:

Naomi tells Ruth to go sleep at the feet of Boaz after he threshes the barley. This she does. When he wakes up to find her there, and asks why she is there, she tells him, are you not my kinsman (in other words, I don’t have a child from my husband, your duty as nearest kinsman is to provide me one).  He is impressed by her piety to the family and that she didn’t go running after young men. He gives her 6 measures of barley and sends her home and tells her – I will do my duty as your nearest kinsman (to give you a child for your late husband) and everyone will know you are a virtuous woman.

In other words:

With Naomi’s help, Ruth convinces Boaz to marry her by asking him to give her a child to be named after her late husband.

Best bit:

That Boaz falls for this (Ruth 3:11)

Least favorite bit:

That the whole thing is a bit manipulative. (Ruth 3:9)

Why I feel conflicted:

What other choice did they have? They were widows with no men to take care of them. Might as well go after the richest guy in town. And he is clearly a really good man who does not take advantage of people.   Plus – my grandmother kind of tricked my grandfather into marrying her and making him think it was his idea, so – despite it being manipulative – I do feel a bit of kinship with these women.

Moral Lesson Learned:

It is possible to get what you want while doing the right and moral thing at the same time (Ruth 3)

The story so far

Here is a quick synopsis of the first 7 books of the Bible.

Genesis:

Adam and Eve begat. Their children begat and eventually we come to Abraham who is the father of the Hebrews who eventually come to live in Egypt.

Exodus:

Moses starts a cult and convinces his followers to leave Egypt with him. They go live in the desert for 40 years surviving on Manna.

Leviticus:

Rules are issues. Sacrifices are made. People are killed.

Numbers:

A huge number of religious zealots camp out in the desert and fight amongst themselves for 40 years until they finally decide to go and conquer a neighboring land.

Deuteronomy:

Moses is getting ready to die so we are treated to a recap of his story and his laws.

Joshua:

Joshua, a war monger, takes over. They kill a lot of people, finally settle in Palestine/Israel and then they start fighting amongst themselves.

Judges:

After Joshua, a series of interesting characters rule over Israel, but mostly they are conquered by other people. 

Judges 3: 3 Men of Valor

Synopsis:

The children of Israel did not drive out the inhabitants of the land they took. Instead, they intermarried and worshipped the local gods. So God sold them to Chushanrishathaim, King of Mesopotamia. They served him 8 years until Othniel, the son of Kenaz, Caleb’s younger brother got the spirit of the lord, rose up and defeated the king. The land had rest for 40 years, but then the children of Israel did evil again and Eglon, king of the Moabites, gathered an army and defeated Israel in the city of Palm Trees. Israel served Moab for 18 years, then Ehud (a Benjamite), a left handed man,  decided to kill king Eglon by taking him a present and stabbing him.  He managed to get close in a private meeting and stabbed him and got away while the staff was still in confusion. Ehud called the people of Israel to him and they slew the remaining Moabites and peace reigned for  four score years. After Ehud came Shamgar, the son of Anath, who slew the Philistines.

In other words:

We are told the story of 3 men of valor who rose up and delivered the Israelites out of the hands of the people who oppressed them.

Favorite bit:

Judges 3:14-30 – The story of Ehud is wonderful. Palace intrigue. Gifts and assassinations. Finally, something interesting happens.

Most interesting bit:

Judges 3:13 – when Elgon the Moab takes the city of Palm Trees. Since this was where the king of Mesopotamia lived, I was wondering if that was Babylon. But according to the online bible study sites I found, it was actually Jericho which is apparently near a spring so it had lots of trees.

Overall impression of the chapter:

While the ups and downs of the people of Israel are attributed to their failure to please god, to me, it just seems like the normal ebb and flow of tribal politics, alliances and land control. But I really enjoyed the chapter – it’s like reading a historical novel.

Moral Lesson Learned: 

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and then sometimes you win again. (Judges 3)

Judges 4: The death of Sisera

Synopsis:

After Ehud dies Jabin, king of Canaan, takes control. They suffer under him for 20 years because he had chariots of iron. The captain of the Canaanite army was Sisera. Deborah, a priestess and respected judge called for Barak out of Kedesh and told him to get 10,000 men from Naphtali and Zebulun. You are going to the river Kison to fight Sisera. Barak said, I will do this if you will come with me. She agrees and tells him that God will sell Sisera into the hands of a woman. Heber – a Kenite (children of Moses’ father in law), had pitched his tent in Zaanaim. He showed Sisera what Barak was doing up on mount Tabor. Sisera gathered 900 chariots of iron and all the Gentiles from Harosheth. Barak comes down from mount Tabor and fights. All the chariots fell before his sword. Sisera escaped on foot and found the tent of Jael, wife of Heber (the Kenite who told Sisera about Barak’s plan). She lets him in and agrees to hide him. Gives him milk and lets him fall asleep. She then takes a nail and hammers it into his skull killing him. When Barak shows up, she shows him his slain enemy. The children of Israel prevailed against the Cananites.

In other words:

There is a great battle involving 10,000 Israelis with swords against 900 chariots of iron from Canaan. The chariots loose and Israel prevails.

Favorite bit:

Judges 4: 17-22 – this is Jael’s story and how she kills Sisera. First, I love her name. 2nd, I love her role in this drama.

Big question:

Why hasn’t someone made this into a movie? Or an opera? Seriously – this is exciting!

Moral Lesson learned:

Superior technology isn’t enough to ensure success. (Judges 4)

Judges 5: The Song of Deborah

Synopsis:

Deborah, the priestess that started the entire Sisera conflict, now sings a song about how awesome she is and how all the tribes of Israel gathered around her and how all the enemies of Israel fell because of her. All the tribes are blessed for their participation. All except Meroz – because they didn’t help.

In other words:

Deborah sings a song about how great she is.

Favorite bit:

Judges 5:7 “The inhabitants of the villages ceased, they ceased in Israel until that I Deobrah arose, that I arose a mother in Israel.”  That pretty much sums up the tone of this entire chapter.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 5:7 It’s kind of annoying that this is all about the priestess. The telling of the story requires her to get her props, even though all she did was tell someone that they need to do this.

On the other hand: 

Judges 5:24 – Jael – is blessed above all women for her role in killing Sisera.  So, it’s not all about Deborah – it’s just mostly about Deborah.

Final outcome:

The land had rest for another 40 years. (Judges 5:31)

Moral Lesson Learned:

If you don’t toot your own horn, who will? (Judges 5)

Judges 6: Gideon is called by God but wants proof

Synopsis:

The children of Israel do evil so God allows the Midianites to take over. The Israeli’s suffer, because they have no land to graze. So God sent a prophet to assure the Israelites he would take care of him. He also sent an angel to Ophrah were Gideon, son of Joash an Abiezite was threshing wheat. The angel to Gideon – God has chosen you to save Israel.  Gideon says – if I really have been chosen, prove to me you are an angel of the lord. So, the angel has Gideon make an offering on a rock which the angel then sets on fire.   Gideon is ordered to go into town, and destroy the temple to Baal, replace it with an altar to God and to cut down the grove next to the old temple. He does this at night. When the towns people wake up, find the temple and the grove have been destroyed, find out it was Gideon. They ask his dad Joash to bring him forth – Joash say – if Baal is so powerful, let him plead his case directly against my son. As all the  Midianites and the amalekites and the children of the east gathered, the Spirit of the Lord possessed Gideon and he blew a trumpet.  They called the tribes of Israel together and Gideon asked God to prove he was the chosen one by making  a fleece have dew, but the ground around it not.  The next night, just to prove it wasn’t a trick – they asked God to make the ground wet with dew, but make the fleece dry. This God did.

In other words: 

God calls Gideon through an Angel. Gideon asks for proof. Then God has to prove to the townspeople that Gideon is his chosen one.

Favorite bit:

Judges 6:39 – Don’t get mad God, but I need you to prove that you are who you say you are, one more time! (paraphrased)

Least favorite bit:

The tearing down of the grove next to the temple of Baal.  Was that really necessary (Judges 6:25)

Moral Lesson Learned:

• Always ask for positive ID (Judges 6:17-22)
• Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence (Judges 6:39)

Judges 7: Gideon scares away the Midianites

Synopsis: 

Gideon, also known as Jerubbaal, calls an army of Israelites to him. God tells him he has too many people and that this victory won’t be attributed to him. They have to go in with only a few people. So Gideon sends home everyone who is afraid (22,000 people go home). 10,000 remain, and God says, that’s still too many. So Gideon has them go to the river and drink. 300 drink like dogs, by lapping up the water. The rest drink by kneeling and bowing down.  Gideon sends those that kneel home and give the 300 trumpets, empty pitchers and lamps.  The Midianite army along with the Amalekites and the children of the east were like grasshoppers in their multitude and their camels were without number. Gideon divided his men into 3 groups of 100 each. They went out early morning and surrounded the Midianite army. They all blew trumpets and broke their pitchers and made a lot of noise. The Midianites were so scared they fled. At this point, the order was given to pursue the Midianites and they managed to capture the princes Oreb and Zeeb, and cut off their heads.

In other words:

With only 300 men, Gideon is able to scare the crap out of a massive Midianite army – causing them to flee.

Favorite bit:

Judges 7:20 – And the three companies blew the trumpets and brake the pitchers and held the lamps in their left hands and the trumpets in their right hands to blow withal: and they cried, The sword of the Lord and of Gideon.

2nd favorite bit:

Judges 7:12 – the description of the Midianite army.

Weirdest bit:

Judges 7:7 – And the Lord said unto Gideon, By the three hundred men that lapped will I save you.

Moral lesson learned:

Cunning is more important than strength (Judges 7)

Judges 8: Gideon is forgotten

Synopsis:

Gideon pursues the remaining Midianite princes. He asks for help of Ephraim. As they continue their pursuit – they come to Succoth – but the people their refuse to help them, so Gideon threatens to whip them with thorns when he is successful. They go to Penuel and the people there refuse to help, so Gideon tells them he will tear down their tower when he is successful.  The Midianite princes Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor with 15,000 men survivors of the original fight (120,00 men had died). Gideon captures Zebah and Zalmunna and brings them back to Succoth – there he whips the elders with thorns as promised and beat down the tower at Penuel.  Gideon asked his son Jether to slay Zebah and Zalmunna – but he was young and scared so Gideon does the deed.  The children of Israel asks Gideon to rule over them. He asks for all the gold earrings they had and makes an ephod of the gold and jewels. This is worth 1,700 shekels of gold. He keeps the ephod in Ophrad. Gideon ruled for 40 years in peace.  He had 70 sons from his many wives. One of his sons was Abimelech. After Gideon died, the children of Israel ones again went whoring after Baalim and made Bazalberith their god. The children of Israel showed no kindness to the house of Gideon/Jerubbaal.

In other words:

Gideon rules over Israel for 40 years, has 70 children and when he dies, everyone goes back to worshipping Baal.

Favorite bit:

Judges 8:29 – He has 70 sons by his many wives.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 8:20 – Gideon tries to get his son to kill the princes of Midian.

Best bit:

The 1,700 shekels of gold that are made into an ephod residing in Ophrah. (Judges 8:26,27)

Moral Lesson Learned:

Doesn't matter how cool you are, you aren't likely to be remembered after you die. (Judges 8)

Judges 9: Abimelech’s Mess

Synopsis:

Abilemech, one of the sons of Gideon, goes to visit his mother’s father’s family. He tells them, wouldn’t it be better to be ruled over by just one person, a kin, rather than 70?  So, the men of Sechem rally around him and go to Ophrah and kill all 70 of Abilemech’s brothers and set Abilemech up as king. All except 1, Jotham, who was the youngest, who hid. Jotham curses Abilemech and the people of Sechem. The men of Sechem start robbing everyone that comes to the top of the hill. Gaal, son of Ebed, convinces the men of Sechem to revolt against Abilemech. Abilemech is told of this treachery. Abilemech gathers are army of 3 companies and they attach Sechem and burn the tower where the men of Sechem had taken shelter. 1,00 men and women died. They then camped and fought against Thebez and took it. They tried to burn the tower where everyone was hiding, but a woman threw a rock down and hit Abilemech in the head. He asked his armor bearer to kill him so that he wouldn't die at a woman’s hand. And so Abilemech died along with all the evil people of Sechem.

In other words:

Abilemech kills all his brothers and takes over, but then his supporters turn on him and they all wind up dead.

Favorite bit:

Judges 9:36 – And when Gaal saw the people he said to Zebul, Behold, there come people down from the top of the mountains. And Zebul said unto him, Thou seesest the shadow of the mountains as if they were men. (Note: Zebul is loyal to Abilemech and is tricking Gaal – who is leading the revolt against Abilemech).  Nope, that isn't an army approaching, you’re seeing things!

Least favorite bit:

Judges 9:7-15 – Jotham goes on for a bit with a parable about how silly it is to ask trees to rule over bushes and how silly it is for vines to be asked to rule over trees. It’s a bit weird to be perfectly honest. The curse that follows is good though.

Moral Lesson Learned:

People who are willing to kill, are not people you can trust. (Judges 9)

Judges 10: The children of Israel sin once again

Synopsis:

After Abilemech dies Tola, son of Puah, son of Dodo (yes – Dodo), judges Israel for 23 years. He is buried in Shamir. Then Jai, a Giladite judges Israel  22 years. He had 30 sons that rode 30 ass colts and they had 30 cities called Havothjair in Gilead.  Jair died and was buried in Camon. After that, the children of Israel forgot God and started serving the God Baalim and Ashtaroth and the gods of Moab, and the gods of Ammon, and the gods of the Philistines. God is pissed and sells them to the Philistines and to the children of Ammon.  Once again the children of Israel apologize to God and ask Him to protect them, he tells them to stuff it and go ask your other gods for protection. They repent and give up the other gods.  The children of Ammon encamp in Gilead and the children of Israel assemble in Mizpeh. But who will lead them?

In other words:

The children of Israel once again worship other gods and once again God allows other people to rule over them.

Favorite bit:

Judges 10:6 – the list of the other gods that the Israelites worship.

Funniest bit:

Judges 10:1 – that a guy’s name was actually Dodo. My son, who loves dodos,  would love this – if the story was age appropriate, which it’s not.

Oddest bit:

Judges 10:4 – Jair has 30 sons who ride 30 ass colts in 30 cities – which all have the same name. And we never hear from them again.

Most annoying bit:

Judges 10:10-16 – The negotiations between God and the Israelites about whether he will protect them. This whole – forget him, beg for forgiveness thing is getting really old. The only reason why they keep going back is because priests are convincing them the problems they are having is because they aren’t worshipping the right god in the right way.  Priests, selling fear for millenia.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Don’t expect people to help you if you ignore them all the time. (Judges 10)

Judges 12: Infighting

Synopsis:

The Ephraimites were cranky that Jephthah didn’t ask for their help against the Ammonites. They threatened to kill Japhthah over this slight. So the Gileadites and the Ephraimites went to war. The Gileadites were victorious 40 and 2 thousand Ephraimites were killed. Jephthah judges Israel 6 years, died and was buried. Then Ibzan of Bethelhem judged Israel of 7 years. Elon of Zebulon hydges for 10 year. After him Abdon son of Hillel a Pirathonite judged Israel 8 years.

In other words: 

To secure power, Jephthah had to fight the Ephraimites.

Favorite bit:

Judges 12:3: wherefore then are ye come up unto me this day to fight against me? Once again Jephthah thinks he is being accused unfairly.

Most interesting bit:

Judges 12: 5,6 – there was apparently some confusion on the battlefield. Once it became evident that Gilead was winning the Ephraimites started to pretend they were Gileadites. So the Gileadites asked everyone they met to say “shibboleth” which means the grain of a plant – like the ear of corn – and if they didn’t say it the way the Gileadites said it – they were killed.

2nd most interesting bit:

Even though this chapter glosses over 3 judges of Israel that span a 26 ish year period we are still told about their daughters and sons and what lengths they went to to find wives for their sons and told where they are buried.

Moral lesson learned:

Take the time to learn how to speak “properly.”  (Judges 12:5,6)

Judges 15: Samson gets his revenge

Synopsis:

Samson goes to get his wife and is told by the father, I thought you didn’t like her so I gave her to someone else. Here, take my other daughter instead. Samson captures 300 foxes and fixes them tail to tail with firebrand and sets them lose in a cornfield. The corn, the vineyard and the olive trees are all burned down. The philistines are pissed and find out Samson did it in revenge for his wife being given to someone else. So the Philistines burn the wife and her father. This makes Samson even madder, so he slaughers them and goes to a rock at Etam.  The Philistines go to Judah to capture Samson for what he has done. The men of Judah go and bind Samson and deliver him to the Philistines. But when Samson was delivered to them, they all started yelling and Samson flew into a rage, broke the ties that bound him and took the jawbone of an ass and used it to slaughter 1,000 Philistines. He was thirsty then so God clave a hollow place near where the jaw had been thrown and water came out and Samson’s thirst was slaked.

In other words:

In revenge for his wife being given away, Samson burns down the corn fields of the Philistines, who then try to make peace with him, so he kills them. An army of 1,000 men try to stop him and he kills them all with the jawbone of an ass.

Favorite bit:

Judges 15:4 – foxes tied together with a firebrand in their tails being used to burn down a corn field.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 15:15 – using the jawbone of an ass to kill 1,000 people. Granted, the wanted to kill him, but still.

Scariest bit:

That Samson seems to go into homicidal rages thanks to “the spirit of God” infecting him.

Moral Lesson Learned:

 Always make good on your promises (Judges 15)      

Judges 16: Samson is captured and dies

Synopsis:

Samson visited a Harlot in Gaza. The Gazites planned to kill him at the gate in the morning. But Samson got up at midnite and took the doors and the pillars of the gate on his shoulders and took them to Hebron. He then fell in love with Delilah in Sorek. The Philistines promised her 1,100 pieces of silver if she could find out how to make Samson weak. He would tell her – tie me up with vines. She would and he would break them free. Eventually she hassled him – you don’t love me if you don’t trust me. So he told her – his hair was his source of strength. So – when he was asleep, she cut his hair and he was taken by the Philistines who put out his eyes and bound him in brass and put him to work in the prison house. The Philistines celebrated the capture of Samson by feasting to their god Dagon. Eventually – they had a party and wanted to hassle Samson for sport. So he was brought to the house – took the 2 central pillars and destroyed them killing more people in that moment then he had in his entire life. Samson’s family came and got him and buried him with his father ... and he judged for 20 years.

In other words:

Samson falls in love with Delilah – who promptly sells him out.

Favorite bit:

Judges 16:3 – where Samson takes the gates to Gaza with him to thwart those planning to attack him.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 16:5-20 – you would think if your lover kept asking you how to defeat you and tying you up and brining armies to kill you, that you would stop trusting them. But maybe Samson was into bondage and just thought it was cool.

Most confusing bit:

Judges 16:31 – Samson dies, and is buried, yet rules over Israel for another 20 years.

What raised my feminist hackles:

We are finally given the name of a woman and she is someone who can’t be trusted. Lovely.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Don’t trust people who repeatedly try to harm you. (Judges 16)

Judges 17: Micah gets himself a priest

Synopsis:

A man named Micah told his mother that he would get back the 1,100 shekels of silver that had been taken from her as they also belonged to him. Once the money was returned, they gave 200 shekels to a founder to create a graven/molten image for his house. As there were no leaders during this time to tell him otherwise, he also had an ephod and a terraphim (household idol) made and consecrated one of his sons as a priest.  Eventually a Levite from Bethelhem-judah came and Micah convinced him to be his priest and he would pay him 10 shekels of silver each year. Micah was pleased and was convinced God would be too.

In other words:

A man named Micah gets his mom’s money back and hires a priest.

Favorite bit:

Judges 17:4 – even though it’s really clear – no graven or molten images, he makes one anyway.  Yet – he has a house full of gods and his own priest.

2nd favorite bit:

Judges 17:10 – The price of keeping a priest is 10 shekels of silver a year, clothing, food and housing.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 17:13 – Micah makes a graven image – and hires a priest and is just sure God is going to be happy with him. It’s a bit arrogant really.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Money can’t buy you happiness (Judges 17)

Judges 18: Micah has his stuff stolen

Synopsis:

The children of Dan sent out spies to find land they could settle. They came upon Micah’s house for a bit, got a blessing from the priest and then travelled on to Laish. They saw that the land was good and they could take the place so they went back and got there brethren. 600 men of valor from Dan once again came to Micah’s house and stole his image, ephod and terraphim and then convinced the priest to come with them and serve them. Micah gathered the men around him and caught up with the men from Dan. They told him to leave or they would kill him and his followers. He saw he was outnumbered and left. Dan defeated the people of Laish and settled there and set up the graven and molten images and terraphim they had stole from Micah and the tribe of Dan set up Jonathan, the son of Gershom, son of Manasseh as priests to the tribe until the day of the captivity of the land.

In other words:

The Danites steal Micah’s idols, molten images, ephod and priest and take over the city of Laish.

Favorite bit:

Judges 18:24, 25–when Micah confronts the theives of Dan asking for his stuff back – and they basically say – don’t raise your voice – otherwise some of the more angry among us will kill you.  Go away quietly and you won’t get hurt.

Least favorite bit:

Judges 18:27  the smiting of Laish – Laish didn’t get any help because they were too remote for Zidon to protect them. Sad.

Moral Lesson Learned:

Pick your fights wisely (Judges 18)